O Sensei

AIM philosophy

Elgin Arachel: I never said it was

LizardCrossing: indeed

Elgin Arachel: there is no indeed. you were wrong.

Elgin Arachel: you can't agree

LizardCrossing: yes I can

Elgin Arachel: you lose

LizardCrossing: one can only find victory through loss

Elgin Arachel: that's rhetorical nonsense.

LizardCrossing: nonsense breeds clarity

Elgin Arachel: no it fucking doesn't

LizardCrossing: denial is a step backwards from true enlightenment

Elgin Arachel: fuck that shit

LizardCrossing: I cannot begin to understand how I would accomplish such a feat

Elgin Arachel: then you don't have a very good imagination

LizardCrossing: imagination is just an illusion

Elgin Arachel: yeah.

Elgin Arachel: and?

LizardCrossing: illusion must be discarded in order to achieve clarity

Elgin Arachel: no it fucking won't. how are you going to acheive clarity if you
don't imagine the possibilities?

Elgin Arachel: if you don't imagine, how are you going to do it? wait for clarity to hit you in the face?

LizardCrossing: one does not have to imagine possibilities, because imagining possibilities inevitably limits possibilities as our mind cannot comprehend the infinite.

Elgin Arachel: I sound like lewis black.

LizardCrossing:

Elgin Arachel: aah, but if our mind cannot comprehend the infinite anyways, then there's no reason NOT to imagine.

Elgin Arachel: either way we're missing out on a good deal of what the universe has to offer, that's just a fact of life

LizardCrossing: imagination focuses on what we can comprehend, but a mind free from illusion allows the infinite to become reality

Elgin Arachel: no it doesn't.

LizardCrossing: *is really bullshitting now*

Elgin Arachel: a mind free of illusion allows us to sit there drooling with an empty mind

LizardCrossing: a mind must be empty before it can be full

Elgin Arachel: no it fucking mustn't

LizardCrossing: a canvas must be blank before a painting is created

Elgin Arachel: no it doesn't.

LizardCrossing: you could paint over a picture already there, but then the picture would become distorted, and you would not recognize the final product

Aikido Humor

Disclaimer: Not mine and not original. Mostly tidbits borrowed from various aikido websites. Please don't sue, just kindly request I remove.

Aikido terms

Dan:
A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt.

Darn:
The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now get hit harder and more frequently during training.

Hakama:
A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really like to talk about it.

You're and Aikido Addict when...

*Have the urge to bow everytime you leave or enter a room.

*Are introduced to someone and you bow to greet them.

*Find yourself practicing stances while standing in lines

*Bow going into and out of the bathroom

*When you want to say "I'm sorry" and involuntarily bow.

*You think learning to fall helps you learn to throw people

*Every time you see a big open space you have to restrain yourself from doing ukemi for no apparent reason.

*When you see some big guy walking down the street you plan how to throw him on his back and then armlock him.

*You get into bed with a forward roll.

*When you can't practice, so you spend hours looking for amusing aikido sites to feed your addiction.

Class Yesterday

On about 3 hours of sleep, I got up early for the AM beginner's class before work. This is only my second weekend class, but I already prefer the weeknight classes.
The AM classes are about an hour, and I usually feel rushed through the techniques. It can be fun though, and it really keeps me on my toes (so to speak)

On the weekends there are always alot of blackbelts there for the beginner's class. (they comprised almost half of the class yesterday, which is usually larger than night classes)
It's nice to have so many really knowledgable people to practice with, but they all have their teaching quirks.

I was paired up with one blackbelt who was alot of fun, but he kept correcting everything from posture, hip placement, arm extension, grip, foot placement, eye contact...etc...
I could not get one thing down before he would stop me and correct something else. I know I am not doing the techniques correctly, but I have a hard time focusing when I can't even get the feel of one thing before my focus is switched to something completely different.

However...I did gleam a couple of things from him though, so I am glad he trained with me-- it was just a little more frustrating than usual. I think he definitely improved my shomenuchi strikes as well as my arm extensions in techniques like iriminage.
He really forced me to focus on taking uke off balance with the extension and getting them on their toes.

We also practiced a katatetori shihonage (I am learning to really dread shihonage when paired with the wrong person--it can be murder on the elbow-joint) and another blackbelt I was paired with gave me some pointers that made the technique flow a little bit better. There's SO much to remember!

I have to say that physically, this is the most challenging thing I've ever done. My stress levels are decreasing though, and I am sleeping much better, especially right after night classes.

After the beginner's class, all the yudansha and Sensei got out on the mat with one of the senior students. Apparently it was his 24th birthday, so between classes, they threw him 24 times. That looked like FUN! My legs are now feeling like rubber. I started to get up and go to class this morning, but I decided to take a break today. I haven't slept in in about 3 weeks....

still, I'm already wishing I was in class... LOL Aikido withdrawls after one day? Yes.

Liz

Your's truly. Yeah, I'm bored

Title Change

Time for a change.

Same blog, same lizard, new name.

::End Transmission::

Tick-Tacks

I'm glad I'm home. I slept great last night... all 4 hours I got to sleep.

It was everything I had in me to pull my arse out of bed. I was a little sore, but nothing like yesterday morning.

Work was pretty hectic. Well, not hectic, busy. Our district manager was in today. Usually there is a big fuss when the big guy walks in, but I'm never really too worried about it. He's nice and seems to like me okay--especially after the tick-tack incident. (yeah, I guess that needs some explaining)

He left his jacket in the phone room one day during a walk, and I put a container of tick-tacks (only one tick-tack left) in his jacket with a note that said "merry christmas from the service desk" A couple of weeks later he came back in the store, hunted me down and gave them back.
Very silly, and not too terribly funny... it was just a random thing to do. He gave me a hard time about it and said "I've been carrying this thing around for a weeks waiting to give it back"
I told him I didn't want him to feel left out, especially since he only came to visit once a month.

Well, two months later and he still hasn't forgotten about the tick-tack joke. Today he walked up to me, shook my hand, and with a big grin said "you've got to stop sticking stuff in my jacket" umm....

Apparently he's been finding pens, buttons, little bits of trash...etc... in his pocket. LOL
For once, it wasn't me! But he doesn't believe me. Now, everytime I see him he calls me "pocket-stuffer"

My store manager came up to me after the DM left and said, "want in on a little secret?"

Why not?

"I put all the junk in his pocket and blamed you"

I've been framed! O_o

Ahh well, it's silly, but it certainly helps to bring the DM down to the human level.

Not much to do tonight. May go do some yoga laterish. Or I might catch up on some sleep. I'm closing tomorrow, but I want to hit the dojo for am classes tomorrow.

Liz

Class tonight:

After twisting my knee, I was a little unsure about going to class tonight. The thought of taking ukemi on that leg really scared me. Did some yoga after work, and decided to go. I figured that if I couldn't practice, I could at least watch--almost as good, eh?

Yeah, I couldn't just watch. Scott Sensei did a lot of warmups. I love his classes because we warmup for a long time, and he says almost nothing, so there is a really peaceful air in the dojo. After warmups, we started pairing up. First waza was a katatetori shihonage backstretch.(I hope I'm getting the names right) I was paired up with one of the yudansha who was at class Tuesday....yeah, he got a clear view of my little knee twist. Sooooo as we practiced, I was handled very carefully by everyone. I got so concerned about injuring myself that I couldn't concentrate on the techniques. I felt a little frustrated because I couldn't get anything right, and I felt like I was being treated like a child--maybe not intentionally, but they ARE very concerned about safety. (which is good--don't get me wrong)

I realized that the frustration was my own. I was setting the tone for the night. After doing a little shihonage and taking a few really sloppy falls, I began practicing with another student on a combination ikkyo/iriminage waza. (so much fun!)
As uke, I stopped being passive and began exerting force, giving nage something to work with. Next thing I knew I was falling and rolling backwards (which so far has been unsuccessful in practice) due to the force of the throw and I realized my knee didn't hurt at all! Breakthrough!

The whole tone of the night changed, and I found myself really enjoying the flow of the class and the techniques. I didn't even get nervous when Sensei came over to critique my iriminage. We did alot of new waza, and played around with a little improv.
Also got my first taste of a tanto tsuki kotegaeshi (sp?) technique. I love it when Sensei switches focus to weapons. It makes more sense now when someone says "Imagine you're holding the bokken"

After practice, Sensei invited me to practice kokyuho. I've done kokyuho several times now with different people, several senior students and one blackbelt, but the energy was different with Sensei. He let me get the feel of the "center" (I'm using my own feeling about the technique for lack of a better description... lol) , and I was able to connect the dots...so to speak.
It just felt better. During kokyuho, he told me to feel the technique extend through my fingers instead of trying to force it with my arms or elbows. Much easier.

I find myself really surprised at how easy it is to be uke when Sensei demonstrates a technique on me (I learn much better being uke first whenever we try something new)

It's like the difference between sumo and ballet. (suddenly getting this mental picture of a ballerina pulling off a graceful iriminage on a sumo wrestler in a hakama O_o)
Wow, even if I never learned to move like that, I would be content to be a professional uke for the remainder of my aikido experience...lol
(well, maybe not... but I can't imagine ever moving like that)

All in all the class was extremely rewarding, and I am glad I went. Oh, and my knee feels great! Can't wait until saturday.

Liz

Why Aikido?

I've been asking myself that question alot over the last few months as I was considering aikido classes. I'm not really sure why I wanted to take it to begin with, but all the studying of an art I knew nothing about sparked an interest I could not ignore. So after much deliberation, I signed up. I jumped headfirst into something that is completely out of my element.

It's been about two weeks and 5 classes later, I already feel a change in my attitude and stress levels. I am used to being in *control*, or at least I perceive that I am in control most of the time. I admit, it's difficult for me to let go. (that was actually on my last work review)

So I jump into aikido classes, and suddenly I'm not in control. I go to the dojo and let complete strangers throw me around. I put my trust in people I don't really know, and try not to feel like a complete idiot along the way. I've had an initial frustration with my inability to "catch on" in my normal fashion, but that frustration melts away when I step through the door of the dojo.
I've been overly stressed these last two weeks, what with my work review and Secret's accident. When I go to the dojo, bowing as I enter, it's like suddenly the outside world doesn't matter. My thoughts focus solely on learning aikido.

What I love about aikido is the focus on harmony. Today at work, something happened which would have normally sent me into a fit of rage, especially considering the recent stress I've been under... but today it was different. I didn't *feel* like being angry. I didn't resist or fight. I found myself completely at ease and willing to consider other opprotunities for conflict resolution.
Now, I'm not saying that I've reached some ultimate stage of enlightenment, but aikido is opening up a new way of thinking for me.
When I practice, I don't have my typical store of knowledge. I am learning along with my fellow students-- I absolutely love it. I feel more energized, more confident and most importantly, more peaceful.

For the first time it a LONG time, I've felt at peace. I've felt like a child almost.
I went to the park today with my friend Dena, and I was suddenly overcome with the urge let go. I turned several cartwheels in the grass, skipped along the path and sang outloud.

Am I saying that aikido is the answer to all of life's little problems? No... but it has certainly helped improve my attitude. Even my store manager noticed today.

I think if I continue to feel this good, I'll never let aikido go. Could this be beginner's enthusiasm? Yes, it very well could be. Do I care? Not really. I'm happy for the present, and that's what matters.

Liz
Who is actually looking forward to work tomorrow.

Random thoughts

Sometimes I get really introspective, and it's usually a bad thing. Life has been pretty hectic last few weeks, and I have admittedly been hiding from everyone with the exception of Mom and Jason. It wasn't really intentional.

I feel like my friends are perturbed with me--especially Shaun. I called him to say happy birthday (his is the day before mine) and he we seemed a bit put out. I could be wrong, but I can' t help but feel he's mad at me. When I called yesterday his dad answered the phone. They sound exactly alike on the phone, so I thought he was Shaun. His dad made the remark that it had been so long that I couldn't tell them apart. Makes me think Shaun has said something about my not calling recently. Perhaps I'm just being too analytical, but I know how Shaun is. If he was mad at me, he wouldn't say anything... just brood.
I hope he's not mad at me.

Onto happier thoughts...

Jason has been wonderful that last few days since Secret was hurt. Sometimes I feel like he's unhappy, and I wonder if he's really going to stick around, but when I'm upset or sad, he's always there to make me feel better. He had to drive with Mom to the emergency clinic on Wednesday, and yesterday he told me he understood her a little better. It's like suddenly all the anger he's harbored towards her is gone. Somehow, that meant more to me than a million "I love you's"

Bored

it's about 9pm, and I'm bored out of my mind. Days off are no fun when you have nothing to do (or cannot afford to do anything in my case..lol)

Soooooo I've contented myself with a chick-flick ala Sliding Doors. Good movie.

We took Secret to the surgeon today. It's going to be right around 15oo-2000 $$$. Eek. But, it's worth it. I took out a loan on my 401k for about 1500$. That should cover the bulk of it, though I imagine the cost will range closer to the 2200 mark.

Ahh well...nobody expects the spanish inquisition.

Liz

Procrastination

I still have time, but I've got a convienent excuse-- I have to wait for the vet to call back to get the referral to the surgeon. So, I'm just hanging about the house, trying to avoid any spending, and keeping myself entertained with internet adventures.

I did discover something last night-- my futon mattress doubles very well as a mat to practice my rolling. Albeit it's a little softer than our mat at the dojo, at least it will help me get over the fear of breaking my neck. :) I practiced alot of rolling on my right side last night, as that seems to be my weaker side. It is NOT good for backward rolls though. That's going to always be a work in progress, I believe.

Other not-so-interesting news-- I am dumping AOL. Huzzah. that's a 30 $ POS off my back.

Okay, I've got more loafing to do.. :)
Liz

Schedule for next week

Monday: Off work. Refile '04 taxes
Tuesday: Work. Aikido
Wednesday: Work... dammit
Thursday: Work.. more aikido
Friday: Work... no aikido :(
Saturday: Aikido... work...
Sunday: Store meeting... aikido

*tries to work out how to eliminate work from the above equation...fails miserably... drinks another corona*

Liz
Who really needs to lay off the corona

Happy Birthday to me....

Yep, I've reached the ripe old age of 23. As always, my birthday's are never drama-free. I thought I'd started out on the right foot today. I got up early and went to my aikido class. It was only an hour, but I felt energized afterwards. It was testing today, so there were probably about 40 people from ours and other area dojo's (AoFW, AoDenton, AoM...etc..)
No warmups really, just straight into the techniques. I didn't know anyone I'd partnered with besides one of the assistant instructors (the one who reminds me of Shaun's dad), so it was interesting.

There were several yudansha there-- I must say I was a little intimidated. (go figure)
I did manage one compliment. On of the senior students said I was doing well, considering it was only my fourth class.

When I got home it was a little different. Mike came over, but Saira called and is already begging him to come home. (let's just say we're not all on speaking terms with them) and now Mom and Mike are talking about that constantly.

On top of that, we took Secret outside for the first time since the accident, and one of the neighbors dogs came into our yard...scared Secret. He ran under the fence and was immediately attacked by Abbie and Nakita. (he's okay-- the little bugger can run, even with a cast!)
I was luckily not here... went to get smokes...but, I heard about it from Mom, Mike, Jason and our neighbor Jeff. Mom and Jason both yelled at the neighbor with the dog, and now Jason is stressing over it, Mom's stressing... I'm just kind of complacent.
I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself, but there's really no point. No birthday celebration for me. huzzah. Can't afford it due to large medical bills for the cat. Ah well, I'm used to it.
I'm just a little irritated that it can't be drama-free.

I'll just have another corona... another cigarette.... it'll all be okay.

Liz
Who would rather be taking ukemi

A New Year

Well, the trip to Germany was wonderful. I wish I had kept my blog updated, as the trip went in one big blur, but alas.... bad internet connection while there.
I got to see alot of neat stuff, including downtown Bamberg and Legoland. ^_^
More importantly, I got to spend time with my brother, his wife and the new baby.

Now that I'm home, I am getting back into my normal work routine. I took a break from school, so now I am filling up all that spare time (what the heck DID I do without school to fill it up?)
with my newfound love-- Aikido!
I started 2/10 and have taken three classes so far. (I'm extremely green) I know almost nothing, and just try to muddle my way through, but it's still fun. I practice at Aikido of Dallas.

http://www.aikido.org/dallas

Right now I'm learning basics... rolling, ukemi (basically falling or "blending with the mat") ettiquette, and basic movement and techniques.
I was considering Aikido for months, and I finally went to watch a couple of classes at AoD and AoFW. I finally settled of AoD, but was happy to learn that I can train at AoFW too. (once I feel comfortable enough to leave the confines of the beginner's class O_o)
So far everyone is very nice and respectful. There is a peaceful air in the dojo, and an environment of mutual respect. I hope to be able to stick with it, as I am feeling much better even after a week and a half. Maybe it will even help me kick the smoking.

When I told a friend about my newfound love of Aikido, she said.. "lemme get this straight, you want to put on pajamas and PAY someone to throw you on the ground.....?"

YEAH!!

I discovered I LOVE ukemi. Go figure. :)

Other than that, I am back to the grind at work. Got a 93% on my last audit. My recent review was pretty good, and I got a nice raise to go along with it.

Now the bad news. And it's pretty bad....
Wednesday I was going to blockbuster to return some movies. I didn't realize Secret had followed me to the truck. I ran over him... :( To be more exact, I think he just got his foot caught under the tire. We caught him (after my bawling session and hyperventilation fit)....Mom and Jason took him to the emergency clinic. He fractured his left rear tibia. It was a spiral fracture (really bad) He's going to require surgery to repair it. They will most likely have to use metal plates to rebuild it. I've been a total wreck since Wednesday. I missed work on Thursday, and I went in late Friday. We took him to our regular vet yesterday. He looked at the X-rays... definitely surgery. He said he would refer us to a specialist (he didn't have the proper equipment), but he was concerned that Secret would not eat or drink.
Left Him there for tests as the Dr. was concerned about possible problems like kidney failure induced by shock and trauma. Also tested for feline leukemia, HIV..etc... Secret is 11 years old.
They also put him on a calorie supplement and IV fluids to rehydrate and hopefully stimulate his appetite...he refused to eat. We brought him home this morning. He *FINALLY* ate when Mom put him on the dryer (his normal dining area) and ate quite a bit. I got the happy call today while at work.

Now he will eat a little, and I just gave him water. We are going to keep it up...give him meds...etc.. and call the vet Monday to get the referal for the surgery. That's going to be around $2000. O_o but Secret is worth it. I will have to take money out of my 401K...eek....

Anyway, tomorrow is my birthday, and my gift is hopefully keeping my cat in one piece. I'm feeling rather calm right now, but truthfully, I was devastated. I've been bursting into tears about 5 times a day since Wednesday.

Okay, no more depressing news. Hopefully this weekend will be uneventful.

Liz