5 years...

July 31st will be my 5 year anniversary with Jason. We've been through alot together, and I always knew we'd be okay. We'd watch everyone around us fighting, and we were happy that somehow we'd escaped that. Neither of us had ever been in a serious relationship prior to each other, and we both considered ourselves lucky to have escaped the typical heartaches associated with love.

Today, that ended. JUst like that. He left late last night and said he had to get out of the house for a bit.
I woke up at 5am to go to work, and he was still gone. I called his cell, and he told me he was at his parents, and he would be taking his things there.

I thought it was coming, but I was still utterly shocked. For months, we've slowly fallen apart, and there was nothing either of us could do to fix it. I knew that it was a matter of time... either I would end it, or he would.

I didn't honestly think it would happen so soon.

I just spent the last hour and a half talking to him-- the longest conversation we've had in months. There was no anger... no resentment... but we both finally realized we had alot of growing up to do.
I can honestly say this is the hardest conversation I've ever had. It would be easier if he hated me, or I hated him.

I don't know what would be worse... the two of us together and neither of us happy, or being apart and still caring about each other.
He said he loved me just now, and though we've decided to end our engagement, and even our relationship, it was the most sincere "I love you" that he has ever said.

Five years... wow, that's a long time...

Liz