A letter from my brother
My brother was in the initial invasion in Iraq, and he is preparing to return again at the end of the year. He posted this open letter to a forum, and he also emailed it to the family. I cannot express my feelings after reading this... I'm angry, sad, scared. My brother has always been invicible, and I have a hard time imagining him feeling this way. He has given much to his country, and I'm am proud of him. I just hope that these feelings and doubts he has will pass. Until then, I can only hope to support him from thousands of miles away.
From my heart. . .
I know death, he is a constant companion never leaving allways there,a dark cloud,a whisper in the dark places,he is no friend of mine, Is there some solace to be found? I doubt I will ever know, I've seen terrible things and will continue to see them everyday in my minds eye.
Who is my enemy? Well mine is fear and self doubt; I do not fear my own death though I fear my son growing up without a father to guide him and teach him the right way. I fear there is no hope for me. I want my son to have more then I had when I was growing up.
My way of learning has always been through pain and will always be that way. I sometimes hide my pain with anger, and that has played out and proved not useful. I can hear the whispers of fools who know nothing of death who have never seen a human die in terrible ways for their country. I hate them for their ignorance and arrogance.
What is truly sad is they don't know the agony of memory, a man without a heart does not feel pity for his fellow man--his friends or foes--he only knows his own pain and fears his own death. He is selfish and cruel and lonely and in the end will not know peace. A man who has a heart will feel guilt and pain at what he has seen or done and he will see others at peace but will not know peace himself. He will try to go on in the hope he never has to do those things again, never walking in the valley of death where even angels have no stay for the sword; and they who know peace will again ask him to walk that path until that man is used up and is no longer and all that is left is the memory and the black marble walls with names of the honored dead--There is no such reward, honor is a term used by the living to justify death and war and sorrow.
The time when I cared about my career is no longer, I only care about staying alive to raise my son and be a good husband. If you call the demons they will come that much is true, too many have died, too many are listed on their black stone--why? For what, money? oil? They who know only peace......?
What is sad is that I will continue to tread the dark paths, and will never give in to my own inner demons. I cannot, for what a soldier really fears is not death,or pain, it's having to watch another man die--friend or foe. IT is not about country or honor when good men die, it is about the guy next to you, your buddy, your friend. I can say that I believe most of them died trying to save their friends.
It is the fear that you get in your gut everytime you hesitate, When things are in slow motion and all that is around you is chaos and all you hear is the ring in your ears and the absence of rational thought, the pop wiz of rounds flying so close and you dont even care, it is only later that you feel this fear, you wake every night to it, you smell it when people BBQ. It is a reminder that death was so close and failure was even closer and the knowledge you will have to do it again. I was so confident and never felt like I was not up to the task but now that is not the case.
The only real casuaties of war are those who survive to remember
From my heart. . .
I know death, he is a constant companion never leaving allways there,a dark cloud,a whisper in the dark places,he is no friend of mine, Is there some solace to be found? I doubt I will ever know, I've seen terrible things and will continue to see them everyday in my minds eye.
Who is my enemy? Well mine is fear and self doubt; I do not fear my own death though I fear my son growing up without a father to guide him and teach him the right way. I fear there is no hope for me. I want my son to have more then I had when I was growing up.
My way of learning has always been through pain and will always be that way. I sometimes hide my pain with anger, and that has played out and proved not useful. I can hear the whispers of fools who know nothing of death who have never seen a human die in terrible ways for their country. I hate them for their ignorance and arrogance.
What is truly sad is they don't know the agony of memory, a man without a heart does not feel pity for his fellow man--his friends or foes--he only knows his own pain and fears his own death. He is selfish and cruel and lonely and in the end will not know peace. A man who has a heart will feel guilt and pain at what he has seen or done and he will see others at peace but will not know peace himself. He will try to go on in the hope he never has to do those things again, never walking in the valley of death where even angels have no stay for the sword; and they who know peace will again ask him to walk that path until that man is used up and is no longer and all that is left is the memory and the black marble walls with names of the honored dead--There is no such reward, honor is a term used by the living to justify death and war and sorrow.
The time when I cared about my career is no longer, I only care about staying alive to raise my son and be a good husband. If you call the demons they will come that much is true, too many have died, too many are listed on their black stone--why? For what, money? oil? They who know only peace......?
What is sad is that I will continue to tread the dark paths, and will never give in to my own inner demons. I cannot, for what a soldier really fears is not death,or pain, it's having to watch another man die--friend or foe. IT is not about country or honor when good men die, it is about the guy next to you, your buddy, your friend. I can say that I believe most of them died trying to save their friends.
It is the fear that you get in your gut everytime you hesitate, When things are in slow motion and all that is around you is chaos and all you hear is the ring in your ears and the absence of rational thought, the pop wiz of rounds flying so close and you dont even care, it is only later that you feel this fear, you wake every night to it, you smell it when people BBQ. It is a reminder that death was so close and failure was even closer and the knowledge you will have to do it again. I was so confident and never felt like I was not up to the task but now that is not the case.
The only real casuaties of war are those who survive to remember
posted by Liz at 6/27/2005 12:48:00 AM
1 Comments:
Please convey my THANKS to your brother for his efforts and the sacrifice he has made on my - our - behalf.
I firmly believe that we here at home, in the comfort of our homes, our malls, our schools and other institutions do not truly realize the price memebers of our Armed Forces are asked to pay so that we can continue to enjoy that lifestyle.
I for one though truly appreciate his efforts and the efforts of all our men and women in the Armed Forces no matter where they are and I shall keep him in my thoughts.
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